Bruce’s top tips on Controlling your inner hulk to become a better version of yourself!
- Accept that you are emotional!
One of the areas for improvement that I see regularly (including in myself!) is that we are slow to acknowledge our gaps in emotional control. We can easily point this area to others, but because we can get caught up in the moment, it’s harder for us to see ourselves being caught in what can be an unhelpful reality. One way to help yourself get better at being in control of your thoughts is to keep a diary. Schedule some reflection time to make a note of A) – when you felt you did / were losing emotional control. Just the simple act of reflecting allows you to B)- recognise what you were doing / feeling at the time, so you are more likely to recognize yourself in the future, to better control your own thoughts and feelings. You get used to feeling your body react in a certain way, which you can then respond to in a more controlled way.
- Be open to others help!
No matter what anyone says, we simply can’t do it alone. That’s why the TEAM approach is so important. The simple act of discussing when you and others get stressed, how to recognize it etc enables a safer platform to be created where someone can point out if they feel you are being lost in the moment. The more you talk about it, the better you all become in your team at helping each other. The real magic here comes from creating the psychological safety over a period of time where you truly feel like you all have each others back. But it begins by talking about it, to make it a common and accepted language.
- Embrace it when you get lost in the moment!
It’s a natural reaction to get defensive. We all see differing types of threats and react in different ways. But every time you get stressed, or react emotionally in an unhelpful way to you or others, this is a brilliant opportunity to reflect on WHY. Remember, we have all had years of conditioning so being less emotional and defensive is not an overnight process. But by reflecting on when your actions have been controlled by your ‘inner hulk’ is an essential process to help you be calmer and less stressed over a period of time. It allows you to get better at knowing you, and that’s magic in itself!
- Hold your emotion when others inner hulk appears!
As well as being open to receiving support, we have to be open to the fact that we may be required to offer support. This can be really hard, especially if we are on the receiving end of someone else’s ‘inner hulk’! That said, if you can be better in tune with your feelings you can then offer what you feel in a constructive way. If someone is lost in the moment emotionally, that has been you before and will be you in the future. But by offering how you feel when you feel it (“Hey Bruce, do you realise you talking in a X Y or Z way, is there anything that’s bothering you?”) you are more likely to be able to help, rather than react and amplify any negative feelings that are already there.
- Give yourself 30 seconds of space to breathe.
When you get better at recognizing your own feelings, bring in the 30 second rule. When you feel your ‘hulk’ being triggered, literally stop what you are doing and do nothing for 30 seconds. This is 30 real seconds, not an angry count to 30 that takes four seconds! During those 30 seconds ask yourself one simple question ‘How else could I look at this to be more helpful?’ Just by recognising how you are feeling and trying to look at it in a more helpful way, this can really help you feel much happier and logical about an issue that 30 seconds ago, was causing storms and dark grey clouds in your own head.
Written by Bruce Durham, Huddle Culture. Bruce has over 15 years experience helping EHS professionals at all levels become better versions of themselves, and enhancing the bond/impact between EHS teams and the rest of the business. From his MA in coaching, and having over 2000 accredited hours of both individual and team coaching across many sectors at all levels, Bruce’s passion still fundamentally lies at helping people to feel better and work better.
Bruce has also been on national TV, papers and radio shows offering his insights into better ways for humans to connect with each other.
As one of the UK’s most prominent speakers on Mental Health and Performance, Bruce creates a space for personal learning and development via his unique delivery style. Bruce’s passion lies in helping clients to support happier employees who get more right, first time.
He was immersed in Human Factors as Aircrew in the Royal Air Force. He then operated his own company for 8 years working across many verticals with some of the UK’s largest companies on their ‘behavioural’ approach.
He was then employed as the Lead Safety Coach with Siemens Wind UK and then SiemensGamesa across Northern Europe and the Middle East leading their behavioural thinking and approaches.
Due to his passion for people, he now runs Huddle Culture which helps clients to get more out of their employees, by optimising the performance of the individual with an approach based on positive mental health ethics.
Known for his differing approaches and enthusiasm for speaking out to help people develop how they think and act, Bruce brings an abundance of energy and knowledge but also genuine care for people to any team that he works with.
“I offer no answers, but hope that by being brave enough to offer what some may not, I create the space for you to pause, think and grow”.
Please note, the views expressed by the original article author are theirs alone and do not necessarily represent those of Washingtondowling Associates Ltd or The SHE Show and therefore we take no responsibility for the content or accuracy of this post.